You like your friend’s picture or status, so you click the “like” button and leave a quick comment. You read a tweet that is hilarious, so you quickly retweet it. While these interactions may seem harmless, when these behaviors are done by an online stalker, they’re anything but innocent.

Online stalking is using the internet, primarily through social media, to harass another person. This includes all forms of harassment including coercion, verbal abuse and threats. Stalkers can become obsessed with gathering as much information about you as possible because of the power it gives them. A stalker may use your social media sites to know where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with or other personal information.

Remember, it’s a common misconception that stalkers are strangers to their victims. In fact, three in four stalking victims are stalked by someone they know. (Stalking Resource Center Fact Sheet 2011) If you are in, or are leaving an abusive relationship, the stalker could be a partner or an ex who isn’t quite ready to end the relationship.

Not sure if it’s stalking? Consider these points:
• Does the person message you/comment/like your content constantly?
• Do they intend to scare you or intimidate you with their posts?
• Do they use other people’s accounts to get around your online settings?
• Does the person threaten you or your friends?
• Do you feel like they have or have tried to hack into your accounts?

With online stalking, it’s better to be safe than sorry. If you feel uncomfortable with the attention someone is giving you over the internet, don’t take any chances — block or report them. Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites allow you to easily block other users from seeing any information you post. Brush up on your social media knowledge by reading about digital abuse.

If you choose to report someone, take screenshots of any proof you have and print them out for authorities to see. Most states have put laws into effect to protect victims of online stalking. Confronting an online stalker face to face is not a good idea. Even though their behaviors may have been strictly digital, there’s no way to be sure they won’t get physical in person.

Protect yourself by following tips like these from quitstalkingme.com. Be cautious about what you post on Facebook or what you tweet. Be mindful of who can see your content. Even if you know your privacy settings, remember that any information you post online can be made public if the wrong people get their hands on it. Make sure you keep your online life secure.

Feel uncomfortable with someone following you online but you’re not sure if it’s stalking? Call, chat or text us and talk it out with a peer advocate.

Is online stalking something you worry about? Why or why not?

kstonebock stalking, technology

This past weekend, we were thrilled to host a conference for our National Youth Advisory Board. Our YAB (as we affectionately call them) is made up of bright and motivational teens and young adults. All are committed to ending dating abuse and actively working towards this goal in their communities.

The conference included presentations from both the Break the Cycle staff and the National Dating Abuse Helpline. We discussed everything from the dynamics of abuse to using social media to bring about change. While our staff may have been the ones offering information, it was the YAB themselves who were truly leading the conference. The YAB were constantly brainstorming and collaborating. You’ll be seeing the outcome of their ideas at the conference soon.

Check out some tweets and posts from the conference:

kstonebock prevention

In our previous post, we talked about making sure you are comfortable with the “speed” or pace of your relationship. We know that this may not be a subject all of our readers are totally comfortable talking to their partner about, so we wanted to spend a post about how to bring up setting a more comfortable pace for you with your new partner. Keep in mind that these communication tips can be useful in other tough topics with your partner as well. Here are some pointers:

• Keep it “I-focused.” You may have heard this before, but this is a great communication technique to keep your partner from feeling blamed and accused. Instead of, “You are making me feel like I can’t spend time with my friends,” you can try “I feel like I haven’t been spending as much time with my friends, and I’d like to change that.”
• Balance the negative with the positive. You may have been an unknowing recipient of this technique from a boss, supervisor or teacher. In this conversation, you are trying to change a behavior of your partner’s, but it is probably not good for your relationship if they walk away feeling like they are doing everything wrong. Balancing your more critical statements with compliments can help to keep this from happening.
• Come up with alternatives together. This may not work for all of you, but it may work for some. Getting to the heart of why your partner is doing this action can help you brainstorm some alternatives together. For example, if your new girlfriend calls you too often for your liking, a possible solution could be scheduling a time to talk that works for both of you.
• Be open to questions. Everyone communicates differently, and your partner may not be totally clear about what you have just expressed. His or her questions mean that he or she is trying to understand and working on changing. It may be a good idea not to reference specific past examples of the behavior, but instead offer how you would like the behavior to be different for the future. This way, your partner understands, but doesn’t feel attacked.
• Be patient. Yes, it can be frustrating if you really like your new partner, but can’t stand this habit in your relationship. However, everyone comes from different backgrounds, families and cultures, just to name a few. It may be difficult for them to remember at first, but what counts is that they acknowledge your feelings and are trying to change.

Remember, there are things that are acceptable and there are things that aren’t. If your partner is threatening you, calling you names, or pressuring you, then you may be in an unhealthy relationship. Call, chat or text us if you have any questions.

nseligman ask an advocate