There are many articles circulating around the Chris Brown/Rihanna collaborations that have recently released. Instead of offering an official loveisrespect.org statement, we wanted to let our peer advocates, National Youth Advisory Board members and staff sound off about the stories we’ve seen. Ultimately, we hope both Rihanna and Chris Brown find healing. We as an organization want to help anyone on either side of an abusive situation. We’re always here via phone, chat or text.

Here are the thoughts that were shared:

I feel that is a very common play in the culture of domestic. We look at these two individuals as something other then normal people trying to figure out life. Yes, they are famous, yes they are role models, however they are also two young people coping with the consequences of domestic violence. We knew about the injuries because Rihanna is in the spotlight; her assault was written loud and clear for the public to judge (which is what we are doing now).

-  Holland

When I think about Chris and Rihanna, I am always frustrated at the backlash that either one of them are receiving in this.

I worry that we are forgetting that a young women (Rihanna), whose picture we remember bruised and battered, is still recovering inside and will be for the rest of her life. No matter why she refriended, twitter follows or gets back together with Chris, she is someone who didn’t choose to be hurt. In the end, she is a human being, and who we love is who we love, and it takes time to get past a relationship with someone you love.

Maybe that’s why she is going back, but I really care little about that. What I do care about is making certain that in our posts, conversations and thoughts about her, we remember that she is always going to carry a scar that we don’t have to point out to her. She remembers it. We need to care about how we treat anyone who is struggling to regain their footing or dignity after abuse of any kind.

Chris Brown was wrong. What he did was horrific, but I sometimes worry that people’s efforts to destroy him at every opportunity hurts our overall mission to help everyone, especially those that are abusive who are watching these reactions to Chris. People can change and while not all will, we need to produce messages that include the people who choose to use abusive behavior in their relationship. We have to show those who want to change why they can move forward and be a better man or woman.

I agree with a friend who said we need a more organized response to Chris Brown to be effective in holding him accountable to his actions. I believe that he deserves a career, I believe he deserves to be happy, but he also needs to accept that forgiveness comes by always taking the opportunity to accept and assure that he is always trying to work on being a better man. This means admitting that he made a choice to hurt someone and is now making a choice to change.

-  Brian

In regard to celebrities speaking out via Twitter about the Rihanna and Chris Brown situation, I think they should be careful to avoid victim-blaming Rihanna. It can be frustrating to watch someone return to an abusive relationship but it’s important to be there for that person instead of judging them or getting angry with them. One way I think celebrities can help show their support is by speaking out against dating abuse and publicizing resources, like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or loveisrespect.org, that help victims and survivors of dating abuse.

- Sarah

While it is Rihanna’s personal choice to choose whether or not to let bygones be bygones with Chris Brown, their public reconciliation through collaborating on these new pieces of music may have an unintended effect on fans. As a music star, Rihanna holds a position of influence with today’s adolescents. While the collaboration with Chris may bring in millions in revenue, it also sends out the calamitous message to those who admire her that domestic violence to something that is trivial and easily dismissible.

Basically, she can choose what she wants to do with her life, but as a public figure she should be more mindful of the negative impact she could be having on the millions of people watching her.

- Caiqian

When I saw the tweets coming from Chris Brown’s fans during the Grammys, I wasn’t shocked — I was disappointed. We’ve come so far in changing attitudes around abuse, but obviously we have a lot more work to do.

- Cristina

While it is sad to see what Chris Brown did to Rihanna, what is even more disturbing is the perpetuation of this type of behavior in other TV shows, movies and music.  Young society will not change their beliefs about what a healthy relationship should look like until better behaviors are modeled.  Extreme jealousy and controlling behavior has become the norm because of what is being modeled. It is no wonder these girls would say what they did [responding that they would welcome abuse from Chris Brown] because they think that is acceptable and believe that is what one should put up with in a relationship.

Attacking Chris Brown is not going to help him recognize he needs to change and it will only thrust Rihanna closer to him, just like in any real life abusive relationship. He needs to be held accountable and that begins by people demanding better role models.

- Melissa K. Read more…

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Photo Credit: Phil Roeder

My nerves are on end as we reach the end of training, and I know that soon I will have to take that first call or chat or text. Even though I’m nervous, I know that I pretty much have all the skills and knowledge to take that huge step. The rest will come with the experience of answering phones and taking chats and texts.

The biggest thing I’ve learned since last time is that all sorts of people call loveisrespect looking for help. Sometimes people in unhealthy relationships don’t know that they are the abusive partner. Actions that may seem caring or worried can come off as clingy or protective. Abusers that call can find out how to make their relationship more comfortable for both partners and keep their relationship healthy.

There are even services called Battering Intervention & Prevention Programs(BIPPs) that abusers can go to and get help about their abusive tendencies. Friends and family members call looking for help for a loved one sometimes, which is so amazing. It’s really hopeful to try and find help for someone who may just be confused or turned down the wrong path.

Change is very real and is very possible. Relationships can change and people in them can change individually. In order for an abuser to change, it’s vital for them to take 100% responsibility for their actions in the past before they move on. People have to realize that abuse is never the victim’s fault, but the fault lies solely with the abuser’s choices.

I know this isn’t everything there is to learn. It’s impossible to teach any person everything there is to know about this subject. I just can’t wait to get on the lines and start helping people, despite my nervousness.

So help me out and help yourselves out by giving us a call, chat or text. There will be a trained peer advocate here to talk to all hours of the day, every day.

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Sticker Worn by Hockey Players at Martha's Vineyard Regional High School

Sometimes speaking out about dating abuse is as simple as suiting up for a sports game. This year, a group of high school ice hockey players will be using their favorite sport to bring awareness to dating abuse in honor of Teen Dating Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAPM).

At each game, Martha’s Vineyard Regional High School’s  ice hockey team will be sporting special stickers designed by assistant coach Max Sherman and Melissa Alderborgh. These stickers feature black text which boldly states, “End DV.”

Each month Coach Sherman encourages the team to dedicate themselves to a new community service project.

The boys view themselves as leaders in their school and community and want to make a difference by standing up for what’s right and spreading information about causes, like dating abuse.

Bringing attention to TDVAPM doesn’t have to be complicated. This resourceful team recognized that they would be the center of attention during the game, and wanted to share the limelight with an important issue. By capitalizing on a moment where they knew they would be seen, this team may have reached a person who was in need. A sticker may be simple, but its impact can be large.

If you’re creative, you could make an impact in a variety of ways. Challenge your friends to a contest to see who can come up with the most creative TDVAPM poster and have a teacher be the judge. Talk to your school’s drama club about putting on a play which brings attention to dating abuse. Create a sticker, button or ribbon which brings awareness to dating abuse.

Not an artiste? No worries, be the person who brings attention to the issue. Are you on the student council? Do you play a sport? Are you in a club? Find a time when you’re in front of the student body and make a statement, even if it’s as simple as incorporating a sticker or funky shoelaces. (embed link). Not the extracurricular type? No worries. You can make an announcement about TDVAPM during lunch, letting your classmate’s know what they can do to participate. Wear a sticker, button or ribbon and tell people what it represents. Hand out educational flyers about the dangers of dating abuse. Everyone can make a difference.

How are you participating in TDVAPM? Let us know in the comment field below.

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