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Rihanna and Chris Brown made headlines last week when they started following each other on Twitter. Fans were especially outraged when Rihanna began following Brown. Rihanna responded to the outrage with this tweet:

“its f—– twitter, not the alter! calm down”

We’re not here to judge Rihanna. We know how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship, and it has to be even harder when you know that the world is watching. However, we want to talk about this situation with our readers because leaving an abuser can be a continuous act. Breaking up isn’t enough. Staying apart is crucial too.

We’ve all heard that question — can you ever really be friends with your ex? This question gets a lot more complicated with this addition — can you be friends with an abusive ex?

We at loveisrespect don’t recommend it. We know it’s hard to walk away from someone who you’ve shared your life with, but getting weighed down in the past can make it hard to move forward.

Here are some problems with keeping in touch with an abusive ex, especially on Twitter:

• Continued contact can allow an abuser to monitor your progress
• The abuse can continue if the person gets back in touch with you (though DMs, @ mentions, messages, etc.)
• It can be hard to move on and start another healthy dating relationship if you feel like you’re being watched or constantly reminded of your ex
• Seeing your ex in your newsfeed can bring back those bad feelings that you’re trying to get over
• Following their day-to-day happenings, especially about their new love life, can distract you from healing

Read more…

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Have you ever brought a significant other to meet your friends and family? Were you nervous? Did you eagerly quiz your friends/family later to ask how they liked your date, or try to casually gauge your boyfriend/girlfriend’s response to your loved ones?

In a perfect world, everyone who likes you would — by default — also like each other. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. When we’re caught in the middle, it can feel like we are forced to answer one question:

When it comes to the “others” in our lives, who is more significant?

This was exactly the question we watched Jennifer in “16 and Pregnant” struggle with last week. She was caught between her parents and her abusive boyfriend, Josh. Both sides openly told Jennifer that they wanted her to disconnect with the other. Just as it was hard to see Jennifer so isolated, it was also hard to watch her parents (who clearly understood Josh’s aggression) struggle with the situation.

Here are tips for both those in the relationship and those nervously watching from outside it:

If you are in the relationship:

• Understand that your friends/family have your best interests at heart. They love you and want to protect you. They want you to be treated wonderfully — if they’re upset, its not directed at you. They want you to be happy.

• If they are angry, their anger isn’t at you, it’s for you. They’re angry on your behalf — they want you to have it better than you do, so try to remain calm and don’t get upset with them. Read more…

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Today’s post is a feature from MTV ACT, MTV’s blog that encourages activism and social responsibility.

Photo: (MTV)

We’re used to “16 and Pregnant” being dramatic–what with the 16-year-olds having babies and all. But tonight’s episode took drama to a whole new level when Josh, a new father of twin boys, kicked his babies’ mother, Jennifer, out of his car and drove off with the kids.

Watching the incident unfold was downright scary. After putting his hand in Jennifer’s face and calling her a “stupid ass bitch,” Josh forces her out of the car. When Jennifer attempts to remove the twins from the backseat, he picks her up to prevent her from doing so, an even more violent act given her recent C-section.

Jennifer ends up calling the police, which was the right thing to do. Although Josh returned a few minutes after driving off, the incident and interaction between the couple throughout the episode raised serious dating and domestic violence concerns:

Issues of control

Josh gave Jennifer an ultimatum: It’s either him or her family. This is, of course, an impossible choice for anyone–let alone a teenager–to have to make, and was an early sign in the episode of Josh’s control issues. Josh would later talk over Jennifer and demand that she “hang up the phone” on multiple occasions when she was on the phone with her mom. If Jennifer wasn’t responding to his needs on his terms, he wasn’t having it. Even the act of speeding up the car while they were arguing and ultimately putting her out on the street was Josh’s way of exerting control over the situation.

Issues of respect

From claiming that her parents “wipe [her] own ass for [her]” to calling her and her mother “bitch,” Josh repeatedly insulted Jennifer with hurtful language and obscenities. Josh even seems to lack respect for Jennifer’s space–repeatedly texting and calling her after the car altercation.

We took the Love Is Respect “Is This Abuse?” quiz to see where Josh’s behavior fell and, not surprisingly, there were clear red flags. The put-downs, threats, controlling behavior and physical assaults are all signs of an abusive relationship. When you consider the well-being of the couple’s children, the situation becomes even more grave.

If you are in an abusive relationship or suspect that someone you know is at risk, contact the National Dating Abuse Helpline for resources and support on how to break the cycle. Remember, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the backstory, nothing excuses abuse, nothing makes it right and there is a way out.

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